Western Canada Tour '08

We are off in 2 sleeps... off on the Toews Family Western Canada Tour! We did the tour just over a year ago and we get to do it again! We are heading to Manitoba to visit Kenny's family for Christmas. It is so much fun once we get there, but the drive is enough to make the most sane person lose their marbles. 22 hours one way... yes, that means 44 hours in total. And 80% of those hours are spent on long, straight, flat roads. In Saskatchewan when there is a slight bend in the road they put up a huge sign like this:

Anyhow, I have learned that in order to survive these many hours in the vehicle we need a hefty supply of items. Here is an abridged version of my list:

- 1 large bag of snacks. Some of them healthy so I feel like a good mom and some of them full of sugar and fat for those times I just want my kids to be so busy stuffing their faces that they don't talk.
- 1 portable DVD player. This is essential. This provides HOURS of enjoyment when looking at barren flat lands becomes unbearable!
- 10 DVD's. This equals 20 hours of viewing enjoyment. We watch a movie, then we stare at the lovely scenary. Then we watch another one, then we eat sugary treats. Then we watch a movie, then we knock the children out for a special little nap time.
- 1 package of gravol. Good for motion sickness on all those curvy Saskatchewan roads and also good for knocking the children out.
- 2 garbage bags. It's always a nice gesture... thinking that the family will put their garbage IN the bags. But by the time we hit Steinbach the car is filthy with shrapnel and various packaging leftovers. It's the thought that counts.
- 4 swim suits. This comes in handy when we make stops at hotels with hot tubs and waterslides. The kids get out their energy on the waterslides and we soak in the hot tub to release all the pent up frustrations from the travels. Ahhhh.
- 1 ipod. This is for me. This is for when we have been driving just a bit too long, and Kenny is getting tired. Unlike most people who get really quiet as they get tired, Kenny gets all fired up. He talks, and talks, and talks. He comes up with really strange and weird thoughts. He starts into, "Deep Thought By Kenny Toews". I used to get annoyed. Now I just grab the ipod and cleanse my soul.
- 1 fully loaded Tim Card so Kenny can make it through the trip. last time we did the tour Kenny went without Tim's for one morning... never again.
- And last but not least, 4 happy and positive attitudes. Because that many hours trapped in a vehicle while heading into -40 temperatures can tend to be a bit discouraging! Thank goodness there are dozens of happy, smiling faces to greet us once we arrive in the modern Mennonite colony called Steinbach!

Merry Christmas to all of you (I actually have no clue who reads this other than my mom, who has to read it cuz I'm her kid)! I hope you all have a great time with friends and family this year. See ya on the flip side!

Mommy gets a life and all hell breaks loose!

Yes, things are a-changin' in the Toews home. I am no longer at home all day, every day. I am out working like the rest of the adult world. I have entered a new realm, and frankly, so has my family. I am personally enjoying getting out and finding my place in this world. Creating a new business has been really fun and I have learned so much. Taking my landscaping course was also fun! I know a lot more about soil, plant material and planning out a landscape that works. But I have noticed that there have been some negative ramifications to my galavanting about.

My family is in shock. What? No clean underwear? What? We have to help bring the groceries in cuz Mommy is exhausted from cleaning a mansion all day? What? We actually have to help put dishes away? Kenny is also in shock. He thought once he got home from work our house was a virtual oasis for his soul filled with sports on the TV, games on the computer and fresh baking awaiting his drooling oral cavity. Poor guy. Now he gets home to hear, "Can you help fold that pile of laundry in the livingroom?" And after supper as he casually strolls into the living room to lounge in front of the news, I stop him and say, "Oh, you were going to help me clean up the dishes, right?" There is really only one correct answer to that... "Of course, I was just checking to see if there were any dishes to tidy in the living room first!"

Of course, I warned the men in my home about this change long before it took place. I sat them down and said, "Once Mommy goes to work, there will be a lot of things I will need help with around the house." I made up a list of chores that the boys needed to complete every day after school. They have done so well with their lists. In fact, all the men in my house are willing to help, they just have no idea what needs to be done. So there are a lot of pleas for help coming from me and lots of surprised yet willing faces who reply, "oh really? You need help with that? I didn't even notice that." Kenny is learning all about the kitchen... he now knows where most things go in the kitchen and he actually opened up 3 drawers the other day that he didn't know existed! The boys are getting a shocking reality check into how much of their crap they leave around the house now that I refuse to clean it up.

And I am realizing that no matter how much help I get around here, there is still more to be done than I have time for! Ah, the joys of running a company and a household!

Thankfully I am finding the humour in this situation most of the time and have even surprised Kenny with "flash quizzes" on the location of various items in the kitchen. He has been passing with flying colours! I think my next quiz will be to the boys entitled, "how to load a dishwasher so more than 5 things can go into it!"

Don't read this if you are opposed to controversy!

My blog is fairly lighthearted most of the time. And frankly, it is extremely self focused! I tend to write about my life, my kids lives and the strange and wonderful things that happen in the Toews home. This blog is different. I am about to get messy, controversial, and some may say even heretical (only in the Christian world actually). So, if you don't want to get inside my head (which is a scary thought at the best of times), just ignore this post and wait for the next one!

First things first. I have no clue who reads my blog. But this post is mostly for my Christian readers. Not that non- Christians can't read it, but I am writing it from the position of one Christian to another. Ok. Good.

Ok, so I have been deeply affected by gay thoughts lately. No, I should rephrase that! I have been thinking a lot about my views on homosexuality lately and how that plays out in this post modern world of ours. I have thought much about the Great Commission and what Jesus has called all of us as Christians to do on this earth. And I have wondered if we are really doing what we are here to do.

*note: do not keep reading this if you are already offended by what I have said!

It all started with the vote in California to ban gay marriage. The Christian community was so excited. I thought I would have been too. After all, my belief is that God has created us to live a heterosexual life. However, when I found out that the bill passed in California I was not as happy as I thought. In fact, I was sad, embarrassed and disappointed. And my response really got me thinking... a lot.

When I read the Bible I see that God has called us as Christians to do one thing: share His love with the world (Mk. 16:15). Share His message of hope, forgiveness and salvation. That's what I read. When I go through the Gospels and evaluate Jesus' life on earth I see a man who poured out love on the those who did not believe in God. In fact, he sought those people out, he ate with them (Mt. 9:10), he embraced them and he accepted them. He showed Himself to them and then allowed is love and mercy to transform their lives (Jn. 4:1-26). He did not judge them, yell at them, protest against their actions or force His laws onto them (Jn.8:1-11). I am not talking about how Jesus acted and reacted to the believers in God, the Pharisees. That is a totally different topic. No, I am referring to how Jesus treated those who held a different moral standard than He was bringing.

So, now I look at today. I look at what Jesus called us to do. I look at how He did it as an example. And I ask myself, "are we as Christians doing that today?" Specifically, are we showing Jesus to the homosexual community? Are they feeling the love of Jesus through us? Are we loving them, accepting them, eating with them and embracing them? Are our protests, nasty picket signs and passing of laws really what God is asking us to do? Did he say to us, "Go into all the world and force your beliefs on others"? Did He ask us to be disgusted with those who don't share our beliefs or to not associate with them? Did he ask us to change them?

I don't think He did. It is not up to us to change people. It is up to God to change people. It is up to us to give them love and show them mercy. The forcing of laws and the protests only show hate, conditional acceptance, and condemnation. The complete opposite of who Jesus is. And lets face it, all our actions are doing is driving people away from God. I have listened to many gay men and women react to this law in California. They feel angry, sad and hurt... and they are fully aware that this law was passed by those in the religious community. I find this disgraceful.

I believe it is completely possible to love and embrace another human being and still not agree with a portion of their life. In fact, every person in my life who I love and embrace have beliefs that I don't agree with... because no one shares the exact same beliefs. No one. I am not saying that we need to change our own beliefs. No. My beliefs remain the same. To love and accept a person is not the same and agreeing with their choices. And yet, somehow, we seem to think those two things are the same.

I love and accept Kenny even though he smokes a cigar once a year and I that goes against my own personal beliefs for my life. I wish he would never smoke a cigar simply because I think it is horribly unhealthy. However, he is ok with it. And I love him and embrace him. I can separate who he is from what he does. Why do we think that it is our duty to tell people (who don't share the same moral beliefs as we do) that they are doing something wrong? That is ridiculous because according to their own beliefs, they are not doing anything wrong!

Of course, I am not suggesting that we just go about life with an "anything goes" philosophy. No way! As Christians we need to challenge fellow Christians to live according to our Christian belief system. We need to remind each other to stay on track with God so our choices and actions align with His. For those of us with similar beliefs, we need to challenge and encourage one another. After all, Jesus was constantly challenging and rebuking the believers to live up to what God wanted for them (just look at the way he rebuked those who were selling in the Temple!). But for those who have different beliefs, why should we demand that they abide by our laws?

For instance, I don't believe that women need to cover up their heads, arms, legs, and faces. However, if the Muslim community suddenly passed a law saying that we all needed to wear Abaayas, I would be outraged. Why should I wear one? I don't believe my dress code is wrong! My moral belief system says that jeans and t-shirt are just fine thank you very much. Now if they invited me into their lives, their mosques, their homes and their hearts... and if they shared their God with me and I realized that I wanted to embrace their religion, I would probably think that an Abaaya was a right lifestyle change for me.

Let's bring this back to the issue between gays and Christians. If we force our belief that homosexuality is wrong onto a society that doesn't share that moral belief, we are essentially patting ourselves on the back while we enrage those we are called to love. We are called to bridge the gap not create the Grand Canyon! Jesus loved, He didn't picket. He embraced, He didn't condemn. Jesus accepted. And then His love changed person, after person, after person.

Are our lives showing love? Are we inviting those who share different beliefs than us into our homes and lives? Are we effectively showing Jesus to the world around us? Is Jesus being introduced to others or are our list of right and wrong being introduced?

Here is my challenge: Let's get back to the Great Commission. Let's share our hearts, our lives and the embracing love of Jesus. Let's share our belief in a God of mercy and forgiveness. And let's leave the job of changing people up to God. It is the very thing that God is challenging me to do. Is He challenging you to do it too?

The Faith Walk

For those of you following this blog, you will know that this year has been one test of faith after another for us. One of my friends said to me the other day, "You guys have had your faith tested so many times that it seems impossible for you to have any more tests!"

And so, we have been tested yet again. 2 weeks ago Kenny got laid off. The construction industry has come to a grinding halt and when the builders don't build, the company Kenny works for doesn't have work. And so, in the blink of an eye we were walking a faith walk yet again.

We have been walking this walk for 3 years now but it has been fairly intense over the past 12 months. It all started with us selling our house a year ago with nothing to move into! With less than a month to spare we had to find a place. But we found a house to rent for the winter so that test was done.



Then Kenny started wondering about his job security. He figured his time was up and had to find something. Within a week or two he found a job that was better in every sense of the word. Another test done.



Next came our purchase of our house. Without going into details we were tested to see if we would take the honest road and risk not getting the house we wanted or scam our way through and ensure the sale went through. We took the honest road and still got the house. Whew... that test was done.



Then there was the whole sleep issue I had. Enough said! It was the biggest faith walk I have ever been on. But I'm on the other side of it now. Test done.



Oh yah, then there was the small issue of us giving our van away and not getting our reno's done. Ok Lord, enough tests!

So when Kenny got laid of 2 weeks ago we both felt pretty sick of all these tests. Obviously we hadn't quite learned all we needed to. It seemed pretty clear after a few days that it was time for Kenny to start the business he had been thinking about for a long time. And so, yesterday was his first day of being self-employed. He is now contracting himself out to do home renos. Right now he has a job to put siding on a house for the next 5 or 6 weeks. At the moment he is working with a tiler doing a shower. What the New Year holds, who knows!




But here are just some quick lessons I have learned over the past year on this faith walk of mine:

1. God knows what we need much more than we do and often our idea of the perfect house, job or life is not the same as His perfect plans for us. However, when we let His plans win, they are always amazing.
2. God knows all of our desires and often fulfills even the ones we don't pray for!
3. When we think God is out of resources, He isn't!
4. God doesn't always answer our prayers right away. But this is all for a reason. He is teaching us, shaping us, changing us and softening us.
5. The things in our lives are just that: things. They are dispensable and not meant to be held onto tightly. After all, one day God might ask us to give those things we value away because someone else needs them more than we do.
6. Even when we are faithful, things don't always turn out the way we thought they would.
7. Just when we thought we had learned all we needed to learn, God reminds us that we aren't done yet!

And even as I type all of this I am deeply honoured that God would see me as being worth investing in. Because all of my trials and struggles are allowed so that I may grow, learn and become a better person. God thinks I'm worth working on. Wow. Thanks God! Now, here's hoping I actually do learn all that God wants me to learn!!

ps: this is what God was doing to the sky as I typed this:

My Son is Hilarious!

Ethan was in the bathtub last night. He loves it when my mom baths him... still after all these years! So, needless to say, she was in the room with him as he bathed. Those of you who know Ethan also know that he is full of gas! The kid can toot on command! And he is very proud of it like any true blue male is. So, he was showing off his tooting skills in the tub last night. And during his toot-fest here is what he said:

"Gramma, listen. Can you hear it?" (then he toots) "It's the winds of change!"

WHAT??? Who says that? What 6 year old says that! My mom was gutting herself laughing and when she told the rest of us we burst out laughing too! I thought you'd get a kick out of my funny tooting boy!

Halloween Pet Peeve

Ok, I'm annoyed. And no, it's not because I had to scrape the car windows this morning which reminds me that the dreaded WINTER is coming. Well, that annoys me too, but that is not the particular annoyance I am blogging about today. I'll save my whining about winter and coldness for another blog.

No, I am annoyed by Halloween. I don't really like it in the first place. The concept of scaring the crap out of people doesn't sit well with me. The thought of walking around my neighbourhood in the FREEZING COLD (oh here I go again) and pitch black makes me cringe. And the idea that for the next month or two I will constantly be saying over and over again, "No you can't have any more candy. Put your trick or treating bag away you little scammer" doesn't appeal to me much.

But here is what is bugging me this year. Ethan wants to be a clown for Halloween. Easy, right? NOOOOOO! You see, gone are the days where kids dress up like something fun and cute. Gone are the days where you can easily get a home made clown costume at a thrift store. And gone are the days where moms sew their kids costumes... at least this mom doesn't. I'd be lucky if I could sew a button back on my shirt! So, I went shopping to "quickly" grab a clown costume for Ethan.

Zellers: nope. Walmart: nope. Value Village:nope. Superstore: nope. Oh sure, if he were 6 feet tall there are plenty of clown costumes for him. And if he wanted to dress up like the "evil clown" complete with fangs and red eyes there are options for him. But he just wants to be a happy go lucky clown. Does anyone remember that guy? Red nose, curly rainbow wig, rosy cheeks and big shoes?

Apparently not. Because if you are a boy in the year 2008 you have 5 costume options to choose from: A Transformer, Batman, a ninja, a pirate, or Harry Potter. Halloween has become boring and "trademarked". Now when a kid approaches a house to ask for candy and the cute little lady at the door asks, "And what are you dressed up as", the little boy can reply, "I'm an over-commercialized superhero".

I am off to yet another second hand store today to see if maybe there is a good ole fashioned mom out there somewhere who made her son a clown costume way back when and was nice enough to drop it off at the thrift store so this good ole fashioned mom can snatch it up!

Re-creating myself part II

The recreation is beginning to take place! And I must say it is not looking quite like I thought it would, but I am excited at what is transpiring!

The first thing I did was try and figure out what I like to do in my spare time besides reading Ted Dekker and watching Prison Break! I am not a sporty kinda gal although I love watching my guys play sports. And I'm not a huge scrapbooker... I have done one scrapbook that has taken me 9 years to complete! I am not an artist except in the kitchen which is something I am getting better at every time I watch the Food Network... I LOVE that channel! If only my kids would eat gourmet!

But I did realize that I love going out with a friend and chatting. So I have started my own little lunch club. No one knows they are in my lunch club... I have secretly made them members without their knowledge! But I have tried to go out for lunch with a friend at least twice a month. September was a success! I had lunch with both Michelle and Leigh-Anne. I am currently taking applications for my October lunch club meetings (no one has applied yet). I would love to take my lunch club on the road and have a good long lunch with Sarah, Sherri, Nancy, or Melissa! Hmmm, that could be more difficult!

Another thing I have discovered is that although I have no clue how to landscape, I would love to learn. So, I enrolled myself in a 3 evening course here at the college in Salmon Arm. Basically I go there with dimensions and pics of my horribly unlandscaped yard and work with a professional landscaper to create something awesome! I can't wait! I will have lots of ideas when spring comes around and I'll turn this drab yard into a garden oasis (slight exaggeration I guess)!

On the job front I had a change of heart. I had wanted to work in an office somewhere. I really do love that kind of work. However, the more I thought about it, the worse it looked. What would I do with my kids after school and on Pro-D Days? Daycare? Ugh. What about the summers? More daycare? UGH. When would I have time to do what I really love to do... stay home and cook and clean? All of a sudden I was not enjoying the thought of office work.

So I decided to expand my horizons and go out on a limb for the sake of my family and myself. I decided to start up a house cleaning business. I will be able to make my own hours, work as little or as much as I want and still be around for my kids. I will also be able to do doula work too which is hugely important to me. So once I decided I just went for it. I am currently waiting to have my business registered, I am solidifying insurance for myself, ordering products (I am using all natural, non toxic cleaners) and getting all the other stuff in order. I am hoping by the end of October to have clients and get working! I already have 2 clients who are interested. WOW! I haven't even started advertising yet! I am really excited!

Ok, enough of the boring talking part of this blog. Here are some funny pictures to make you smile! They have absolutely nothing to do with this blog post but they are funny anyhow!

Kenny playing Guitar Hero! He thinks he's such a rock star!


I look like I'm really good at it, but actually I suck so bad!


Ethan gets a momentary mullet during his haircut!


Kenny gets a momentary "old man" look while shaving his hair!


Brayden building his own bike jump!

Sleep Update

I have been waiting 4 months to say this... I SLEPT WITHOUT A PILL!!! Yes, it's true! I have been taking smaller and smaller doses of this sleeping pill for the last 2 months with the hope that one day I wouldn't need it. I have done it really slowly so it would be successful. So, the other night I took a double dose of a sleep herb my naturopath gave me and tried to see if I could sleep without the prescription pill. I woke up at 2 am and realized I had been sleeping for 3 hours without a pill! I was so excited that I couldn't go back to sleep (go figure) and ended up taking a tiny bit of the pill just to get back to sleep. Then last night I did the herb again and fell asleep. I woke up every hour or two all night long but was always able to get back to sleep without any of the pill. I woke up a bit tired from all the waking up last night but I feel sooooo excited too! Like I have turned the corner on this craziness. It's awesome.

That's it. Just wanted to update all of you. It's really cool!

Re-creating Myself

Ahhhh, the house is quiet. The children are not fighting or playing in any sort of annoying fashion. No, they are in school... monday to friday... all day long. Ahhhh.

As you can tell, I am not one of those moms who dread sending my kids to school. I don't mourn the fact that they are growing up. Rather, I celebrate it! I am so excited that my babies are now in grades 4 and 1. I think it's awesome how much they are growing and how independent they are. I feel like I am doing something right when I can send my kids off to school full of confidence and self-assuredness.

Oh yah, and I now get the house to myself. This is also a celebration for me. I love being alone as much as I love being with my kids. I enjoy days of grocery shopping sans kids and baking without hearing, "can I do that?". And then, I love it when 3:10 pm comes and I get to see my handsome boys once again and find out all the wonderful things they did in their day.

However, this fall is a bit different. Now that both boys are in school full time I get to re-create myself. I have been a full time stay at home mom for 9 years now. The only money I have made in these 9 years was a result of me taking care of other people's kids. Actually, that is not entirely true. I have been a certified doula for 4 years now... but that is more like a hobby to me!

Anyhow, now I feel ready to get a job... not one involving kids... but with actual adults. I have no clue what it is like to work beside adults all day. To talk adult talk. To leave my house and go to a job. I am ready for that. Maybe an office job. You know, something involving my anal organizational skills and geeky desire to do administration. Something where I can still be with the kids in the evenings and on weekends. Something part time so I can still have a few days at home to clean, grocery shop and do laundry.

I am also thinking about pastimes. What do I want to do in my spare time? Do I want to learn a new hobby? Do I want to try something new? Who the heck am I after all these years of thinking of everyone else but me?? I have no idea what I am interested in, what my hobbies are, or what my desires are. I put those on hold 9 years ago. Now it's time to find that stuff out again! So, I'm not sure what I will end up doing. But it's kind of cool after all these years to think about me again.

I'll let you know what I come up with! Until then, here are pic of the products of my last 9 years of working DANG HARD for no pay (the payoff of two handsome, amazing boys is well worth it)!!

First day of school!


How awesome they are!


The reason I have so much cleaning to do!

Trying to live in a different kingdom

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a democrat in a communist country? Or a "bloc Quebecios" member in a western province? Or a non-mennonite in Steinbach? Hah! But seriously, imagine what it would be like to live a completely opposite life to what your "kingdom" was telling you to live. How impossible! I would probably take the next plane out and find people of my own kind! I have visions of everyone around me looking at me like I am a fool for not living how they live. And no one wants to look like a fool!

Well, Kenny and I have recently experienced a bit of that. As you know, we have been very focused on our renos. We've been planning, dreaming and working for months on this house. I have spent all summer painting. Kenny has been planning out then new deck he will be building. I have been scoping out carpet deals (for those of you who don't know, I have flooring issues. I need nice flooring. NEED. I hate our navy blue berber carpet and our white flowery ripped lino). It's been busy but fun. And it's been our world, our kingdom and our focus. Not that doing renos is wrong. Actually, I have felt quite good about the whole thing. Sure beats paying $500,000 for a brand spankin new house! But we came to realize that there was another kingdom at work while our kingdom was carrying on.

We met with some old college friends a few weeks ago. Hadn't seen them in about 12 years. They have been working for YWAM in California and doing missions in Fiji all the while raising 3 kids and raising their own support. And they have seen some really cool miracles (finanical provision, limbs growing, broken bones instantly fixed, and 2 year olds seeing visions)! Their stories were inspiring to say the least. Anyhow, the day after we hung out with them Kenny "coincidentally" (I don't believe in coincidents) spent the day working alone. So he ended up spending the day praying while he worked instead of swimming half naked in the river with his co-workers! Meanwhile I spent the day finishing the painting and thinking about spending the next morning at the carpet stores pricing out new floors. Oh joy!

Then Kenny came home with a quivering lip and red eyes. His words were as follows, "I spent the day with God. He is asking us to give something to Bruce and Natasha". Ok, I'm thinking. That's fine. Then he says, "I think we are supposed to give something fairly substantial". Hmmm, my mind immediately goes to our bank account. I am remembering how much money we have in it and what size of cheque we could write. Then Kenny says, "Ok, I just have to say this: God is asking us to give away our van". SAY WHAT? Not our really nice, fairly new and worth over $10,000 van?? Did someone just punch me in the gut? My eyes got buldgy and his eyes got watery. And yet, as soon as he said it I knew it was what we were supposed to do. I also knew that our new deck, new carpet and new lino would turn into another vehicle purchase for us.

I didn't want another vehicle. I wanted new carpet and lino. I wanted a nice new deck to sip my slushy beverages on. I would have to sacrifice all of these things and spend that money on an older, not as nice vehicle for our family. Ouch. And yet, the ouch feeling also had a huge measure of peace and excitement in it. I was in awe of what God wanted to do. I was humbled that he would choose such self focused people as us. I was excited about such a great family getting such a nice van (they had no vehicle by the way and they were moving to Alberta in a week). So, I looked at Kenny, said "yup this is what we are supposed to do" and then sat on the couch and cried as I looked at my blue carpet. Yes, sacrifice hurts. I could feel it. But that feeling didn't last for long!

The next morning we met Bruce and Natasha at a park. We told them what was going on. They were as shocked to receive as we were to give! We all hugged, cried and laughed. It was so cool! Then we handed them the keys and drove away in our rusty old car. It felt amazing. It felt crazy. And it felt totally right. It was awesome to hear Bruce tell us that they had been praying for a Dodge Caravan (which is what they now own) for YEARS! How amazing!

So now we own a 1998 Chevy Blazer. I never thought I'd own one of those, but in this new kingdom we are discovering the kind of car we drive doesn't really matter. You see, my kingdom tells me that I need bigger and better things all the time. My kingdom tells me that my blue carpet does not match my newly painted walls and that simply is unacceptable! However, this new kingdom that we have tasted tells me that my unmatched house matters nothing in comparison to opening myself up to be a part of these miracles that God wants to do. I am learning that sometimes God likes to take the stuff that is "mine" and give it to someone else instead. Maybe that is money, maybe that is my sacred time, maybe that is my vehicle or my food. And I am learning that it feels amazing to be a part of all that. And it goes completely against any sort of human wisdom I have ever learned!

Now I am no saint. I am just as selfish as the next guy. Just because we did this one thing does not mean we are all of a sudden some sort of heroes. No, we have said "no" to God more times than we have said "yes". But for some reason, we had this moment in time a few weeks ago where we allowed ourselves to see into another kingdom and it was awesome. I just pray that those moments will become more than moments and that I will learn to walk in this new kingdom more and more. Not that I want to keep giving vehicles away or anything! But just that I want to be open to the fact that God may ask some wild things of me in order to bless someone else. And if I'm totally honest, I know there will be many more times when my kingdom wins. But my prayer is that God's kingdom keeps winning more and more battles in my life so that I can be a part of something bigger than myself. Something bigger than this world.

I hope you all know that this blog entry is not meant to glorify our actions. I can't tell you enough that we are just ordinary, selfish people who really want to do our own thing all the time. But I wanted to write this blog to share what we are learning and going through. And hopefully something in this story will inspire you as well! Who knows what amazing things God wants to do through your life!

The DeHoog Family with their new van!


Our new vehicle


And here it is, the blue berber carpet!


Here is our lino. Oh yah, and here are my cupboards in mid-paint!

Busiest Summer on the Block

Is it August already? Where has the time gone? Sorry my blogging skills have been slacking somewhat in the last few months... I have not forgotten, just been insanely busy.

In the last month and a half I have moved our entire family into a new house, I have painted almost 1200 square feet of walls (I had to paint our entrance twice because I hated the colour), I have fed over 24 people besides my own family in more than 20 different meals, I have done piles of laundry after guests leave (think bedding and towels), I have spent 4 days at a doula conference in Vancouver, I have spent 3 days packing and unpacking for our camping holiday, I have spent 6 days camping during the only cold week of the summer (nice), I have hunted for a new vehicle to replace the van (now that's another story), and I am currently taking the kids to swimming lessons every single morning for the next 2 weeks. Who said summer was relaxing? Whew!

In addition to all of that, I spent a month doing that horrid diet. Actually after the first week or two it wasn't really hard. I learned so much about all the crap that is in the food we consume and things that I can do to eat better. If you have never heard of Hemp Hearts you should really get some. They have been the best addition to my diet. So healthy and so filling and so full of energy. I lost 8 lbs on the diet without trying any sort of exercise. I guess I had 8 lbs of sugar, butter, and cheese on my body! Now I am back to eating normally but my last trip to the naturopath proved very interesting.

She tested me for like 100 allergies. She found out some ones that are interesting but not that big of a deal: I'm allergic to evergreens (since when?), and alcohol (I could have told her that one, you should see my neck and face go beet red when I drink!). But the fascinating allergy is the allergy to cortisol. Our bodies produce cortisol when we get stressed. Well, my body is allergic to cortisol and the reaction to that allergy is to get more stressed and to have insomnia. Nice. Oh yah, my final allergy is to Gallic acid. Don't know what it is but the reaction includes insomnia. Nice again. That explains a lot to me about my mystery sleeplessness issues.

So, I am still on herbs and supplements, but she added a few. She "desensitized" my body to the allergies and is hoping that will help. And I am slowly getting off those pills. I am now on only 1/4 of a pill which is fantastic. It has been hard to do all of this with the massive amounts of company that we have had but it's coming along. There is a huge part of me that can't wait to be off the pills and feel so thankful that I am down to such a small dose. But there is another part of me that really doesn't care if I have to take them for the rest of my life. Really, all they do is help me fall asleep... they don't affect me during the day. I guess that attitude keeps me from getting stressed out about the pills but doesn't override the part of me that is determined to sleep without them. Because I am on such a small dose, I wake up many times in the night. But guess what? I can always go back to sleep on my own! YIPEE! Victory is happening!

Besides all of that, we have only one more set of company coming! I have loved all the visits, but I am down right exhausted. And reno work is coming down to finishing painting the kitchen and "crackling" the cupboards (our attempt at making ugly cupboards look cool).

My next post will contain the story behind the van. I will keep you in suspense until then. But while you wait, here are some summer pics to give your eyes a break from all my blabbering!

Margaret Falls with Kenny's parents


At English Bay during my doula conference


The Davidson girls hanging out with my boys at DeMilles


We live for camping!


Cold and rainy but still having fun!


Ethan on our friends' kneeboard


We are blessed to have friends with a really nice boat and all the toys


The Dueck family came and we enjoyed a campfire in our backyard


Kenny rocks on the wakeboard... that's where we live in the background!

Hello World

Hello? Is anybody there? Is it just me or has it been a really long time since I blogged???

First things first. I am sleeping. Yes, by mid-June when I had gone a full month without a decent night of sleep (many nights awake all night long) Kenny made the declaration, "That's it, you need to take these sleeping pills until someone can find you a solution. This is no way to live"! I agreed. So I started taking one every night. And I started sleeping every single night. Pure bliss... even if it is drug induced! From there I went back to the doctor which resulted in: more blood work, an ECG (all normal), an abdominal ultrasound (no tumors), a new batch of sleeping pills, and a referral to a sleep clinic. Next I went to a counsellor who happens to know all about my problem since she suffered from insomnia for 8 YEARS!!! I thought I had it rough! She reminded me that it is not up to me to solve this problem but up to my doctors. She put my mind at ease about using the sleeping pills and assured me that I would be able to get myself off of them. Then I went to the naturopath. She put me on a no yeast, sugar or dairy diet for 30 days (I'm on day 9 and I hate it). She also gave me potent herbs to take as well as some other supplements and a good kick of acidopholis every day. I am a walking herb! I have discovered hemp hearts which give me more energy than anything else I have ever used! They are soooo healthy! I have learned that soy milk is not quite as disgusting as I always thought (although I'll take a nice glass of cow's milk any day). I also learned how addicted to sugar my body (and yours too) is. Honestly, I am not a sweets person and I don't eat a lot of sugary things. But EVERYTHING has sugar in it! The first day of my diet I had a migrane so bad that I started puking. No joke! Now I feel fine. But those Godiva Chocolates sitting on my dresser have been calling to me. I have yet to answer them! And the best news of all, I am now down to 1/2 a sleeping pill per night. That is progress! I really hope I can get back on track before I have to go to the dreaded sleep clinic. Not my idea of fun!

Second, I survived the move. Our weather decided to finally be hot... 40 degrees hot for our move. Nice. But it all went smoothly thanks to the help of my parents and Kenny's co-workers as well as an Enderby family we are very close to. The worst part about the move was the people living in this house before us didn't clean a thing. The fridge was gooped with guck, the walls were covered in fingerprints and boogers (yes, I scraped someone else's boogers off the wall), and the toilets were layered with urine and poo stains. I was not impressed. How disgusting! Oh yah, and they left so much of their junk here that we had to do a dump run to get rid of it all. Just so inconsiderate. But we prevailed and actually began renovations 2 days into our move! With boxes still everywhere Kenny started punching out the wall in our living/kitchen area. I started painting too. We figured, if it's going to be chaotic in the house with unpacking, might as well make all the reno mess at the same time. Insane, I know.

Third, my life has drastically changed in the last month. A new house, a totally new community, a new diet (ugh), kids out of school... new, new, new. I have enjoyed exploring our neighbourhood, hanging out with new friends, and making this house into what we want it to be.

Here are a couple of quick pics of our life lately. More pics will be on facebook (since this takes forever to load them on here). Enjoy!

ps: we all have tried the biddet. It works. It tickles. It is weird. But it sure saves on toiletpaper!

Ethan's ready to go!


Grampa's special moving helper!


Kenny destroying the wall between the dining room and the living room


Ethan helping me paint the 2 walls in the living room that are not being destroyed by Kenny


Brayden destroying the wall between the kitchen and the living room


Our bedroom painted


The living room colour. We will also be doing new rock work on the fireplace and new carpet


Here is the new look of the wall between the kitchen/ dining and living room. Not quite done yet though.


This is how it looks from the kitchen. Much more open. Also not done yet.

Quick Update

I'm still not sleeping. URGH. And I'm no longer finding humour in the whole deal. It has been over a month with this problem. Trouble is, I sleep like a baby with those pills. However, I need my body to figure out how to fall asleep without them. So currently I am doing one night with the pills and one night without. On the nights without the pills I sleep only an hour or so. I am literally awake til 5 or 6 am. That is a LOOOOONG time alone with just my random thoughts to entertain me. HOW BORING! I have also reverted to isolated behaviours and have not socialized it way too long. It is just too exhausting right now. I will try and attempt two days in a row without the pills this weekend. I can't imagine how 3 days straight without sleep will be. Right now staying awake for 2 days straight is crazy enough.

But I have FAITH that this will end and I can't wait for that day. Trust me, the whole world will know when I finally sleep for more than an hour on my own!!!!

Til then....

"The Sleep Files"

Kinda like the "X Files"... just as weird but not as cool! These past few weeks have been like a creepy episode of the X Files for me. It all started on the night of May 12th. You know the nights when you can't sleep and there is no good reason for it? I was like that. Actually I felt like I had consumed 5 cups of coffee before bed since my insides were shaking and vibrating! And I had had no coffee! Anyway, that happens to me once in a blue moon so I didn't think much of it. Then it happened again then next night. No inner shaking but just lack of sleep. Then the next night too.

Hmmm, at that point I began to get worried. What was going on? Then the vicious circle began. You know the one I'm talking about. The one where you so desperately need to sleep that it consumes you. Then you get all anxious about whether you will sleep or not which only causes you to NOT sleep! And the more you don't sleep, the more anxious you get! Ah yes, I was fully experiencing the circle of nonsense! I would generally fall asleep when the birds started chirping and the sun was rising. But by then I had tossed and turned for 7 hours or so and only managed to sleep for 2 or 3 hours before life in the Toews home began again. Not fun.

Then to top it all off I had a birth to attend. One that kept me up for 33 hours. Near the end of the birth I was so tired that I truly began to hallucinate... "this isn't really happening, I don't think. Nope, I'm not really here at the hospital. Nope. She's not really having a contraction. My gloved hand isn't really pushing on her crotch. I'm not really staring at her vagina for hours waiting to see a head. Nope, it must just be some strange dream." Honestly, those were my thoughts. Yes, I was very tired! So tired that I came home and slept for 10 hours straight! YIPEE! My strange insomnia was finished! Wishful thinking.

The next night it all came back and I was once again tossing and turning for hours only to drift off around 5 or 6 am. Kenny took matters into his own hands and sent me to the doc. I learned a new word that day, Zopiclone. Half a tablet and I'd be snoring all night long. I was scared to take sleeping pills. But I was desperate. So I took one. How I fell asleep that night is anyone's guess. But I awoke 8 hour later as fresh as a fiddle! Then I took one the next night. Same thing. Wow, this is awesome! I took those pills for a week and then I figured my body was for sure back on track. There was no way I would keep taking the pills and become dependent on them. No way Jose!

So I stopped. And so did my sleep. As soon as I stopped the little blue pill (no, not Viagra you sicko!) I was back into my all nighters. And that is where I am at today. Up all night til about 5 or 6 am... sleep for 3 hours and then carry on with my day only to do it all over again the next night. I feel like I have a newborn or something! Oh, and to top it all off, I was so tired that I managed to get bronchitis. Not the kind that goes away with a good antibiotic. No, the viral kind that lasts for weeks on end. Nice. So now I can't sleep and I cough my way through the night!

Do I walk around like a zombie? Yes, I do. Do I keep up with laundry, groceries, and other household tasks? No, I don't. However, I still manage to keep going somehow. And I know that everything we go through happens for a reason. Going without sleep for weeks is actually really hard. I definitely think it could make a person go insane. I am feeling pretty sane still actually. I don't get out much and socialize. I don't have guests over much and I feel like somewhat of a hermit at the moment, but I am in full survival mode! And I am confident that this will one day go away. Hopefully tonight! But until it does, I will keep surviving!

And I probably won't have it in me to blog again until this has passed. But I do know it will pass. Ah, yes, I know I will be a normal sleeper once again and I will say goodbye to "The Sleep Files" for good!

Confessions of a Mom

I am a firm believer that being a parent makes you a better person. It causes you to see beyond yourself and sacrifice your own desires for someone else's needs. It creates a new view of the world inside of you and forces you to be a little more easygoing about the day to day grind. I know this because I have spent the last 9 years experiencing this phenomenon called Motherhood.

However, I have come to notice that mothering can at times bring out the very worst in me. I'm not talking about those grumpy days where I say "no" to everything or when I watch TV instead of reading the book my 6 year old is flailing around in front of my face. No, what I am talking about is much worse. Lying, deceit, forgery. Yes, this is big time stuff I'm referring to. And yes, I am here today to tell you that I have committed some serious mommy crimes.

In an effort to clear my conscious I have decided that admitting it is the first step in recovery. And so, I have chosen you, my faithful blog readers, to be my confidantes. Here goes:

My Mommy Sins: By Charlene Toews

1. When I give my children chocolate chips, they are excited because I tell them that those chips contain the best chocolate in the world... Then I secretly go to my bedroom and savour a Godiva chocolate from my hidden stash. When they say, "Mommy what are you eating?" I boldly reply, "Chocolate, just like you."



2. My children are pack rats. I am not. However, my attempts at clearing away old and broken toys have resulted in weeping and gnashing of little boy teeth. So, when they are asleep I go through their toys and throw out the ones they don't use anymore. I put them in a black garbage bag and claim that it is just trash.



3. I rip down their old artwork from the fridge and dig through the garbage to put the artwork at the very bottom of the garbage can so the kids can't see that it is actually in the garbage.



4. One day at a local goat petting zoo me and the boys accidently let out one of the goats. We tried to get him back in the pen, but to no avail. We tried to find a worker to help us but they were all busy. The goats (ok, to be totally honest it was 2 goats) began to walk around eating grass, nibbling on children, and tasting the local produce on the fruit stand tables. I could hear people whispering to one another, "oh lookout the goats are loose!" I quickly told the kids, "Boys, get in the car. It's time to go!" When they refuted, "But mom we can't leave with the goats running free!" I quickly replied, "Oh yes we can. The goats are totally fine. There is no problem here!" I will just allow your imaginations run wild with what happened in those minutes or hours after we let them go free before anyone found out they were loose!



5. For Christmas Brayden bought me some body wash and lotion. He knows I love body wash and lotion so his thoughts were totally in the right place. Unfortunately the body wash and lotion are lavender scented. Not just a hint of lavender, but a smell so strong I fell like I, myself, am a stalk of lavender. No, it's worse. I feel that a stalk of lavender is shoved completely up my nostrils. It reminds me of my elementary school principle whose perfume was so strong that you could literally smell her coming down the hallway. Anyway, One day he noticed that my lavender bottles were still full. He asked me why I wasn't using the stuff he gave me. I lied and said, "Oh sorry, I forgot. I'll start using it tomorrow." When tomorrow came I used it. Then every day since then I have been pouring it down the drain... little by little so it looks used.




6. My oldest child is a total crybaby. I hate to say it, but it's true. He's getting better but there is still much work to be done in that department. He wails over tiny bumps and sobs over slight injustices. And frankly, I'm finding the drama all a little old and stale. So, there have been occasions where I hear the wailing, the sobbing, the screaming... and I ignore it completely. When he finally tracks me down I act as though I had no clue he was injured. And then I proceed to tell him that he's fine. Somehow I get the feeling that mothers are supposed to be a tad more nurturing!




Listen, I could keep going. I have many more confessions along these same lines. I could confess that I left the hamster cage open and Harry escaped (we found him). I could even tell you about the time I forced Ethan to eat his McNuggets because "I paid good money for those, dangit" only to watch him throw them all up 10 minutes later (he had the flu, oops)! But I will end my confessional for now. I feel purged of all that is nasty within me. I feel like a new woman. And I just hope that tonight at Brayden's soccer game when he says "Mom, did you see me make that great play?" I will not be so busy chatting with another mom that I am forced to lie and say, "Oh yah honey that was amazing!"!!!!

It's a Done Deal

As of this past Tuesday, Kenny and I became HO's again (home owners, of course... that abbreviation came courtesy of my sister who is the abbrev queen)! Yes, Kenny and I now own a home in Salmon Arm. Weird. That's all I can say about that. It's weird in many ways. Weird that we will be officially moving out of Enderby after 9 years. Weird that although it is a community that we have been to more times than I can count, it still seems like a total life change. Weird that we will now be closer to Kamloops than Kelowna. Weird that our phone number will change for the first time in 9 years and that Tim Horton's is only a 4 minute drive away (Kenny's Tim's Card will get more use than we can afford)! Oh it is all very weird. And yet, it feels right even in all the weirdness of it.

So now my mind has been occupied with thoughts of packing but I haven't actually done anything that resembles packing. I HATE moving! And because we just did it a few months ago it is even worse now. I am not a pack rat, thank goodness, but I still have to pack up a family of 4 which is no small task. I thought that maybe if I pack a box a day for the next 45 days it won't even feel like I'm packing. But I have no motivation to even do that! Maybe when June hits my enthusiasm will drive me to drag out the boxes and get going... maybe.

My mind is also thinking about all the renos we want to do in that house. We reserved some of our down payment money to update the house a bit. Our first chore will be the 400 sq ft deck that needs fixing. That will be the biggest job. Then we are going to work on the kitchen... knocking out part of a wall to open the space up, new flooring, painting the cupboards and doing some new tile for the backsplash. Next we will rip out the NASTY blue berber carpet in the livingroom and put something a little mellower in there. Finally we will be painting the walls that are currently a powder blue! Of course along the way we will be doing other things like getting some decent window coverings, re-tiling the fireplace and hopefully getting a pellet stove insert to go in the fireplace. But those things will be later on down the road as money allows. For now it will be all about updating it and making it our own.

I drove through the neighbourhood the other day and was amazed at how peaceful and pretty it was. Lakeviews all around and quiet winding roads.

Here are a few pics of the house as it is right now. They are not the best pics but they will give you some idea of what we will be moving into.

A partial view of the front


This is part of the back yard. It's actually pretty big


The kitchen. Lovely 80's decor going on but I love how big it is


This is the dining area. The wall on the left will be knocked out to open it up to the livingroom


This bidet will offer us freshness that we have never experienced before!!


The family room downstairs will have to wait on renos for now but it will make a great TV room


The deck is so big it doesn't fit into one picture. The lakeview is just beyond the trees