Techno Hubbies

*WARNING* This post may result in marital issues, the release of bitter feelings, and hundreds of dollars of counseling.

I have come to realize something: My husband is distracted. No, he is not looking at other women. No, he is not at the golf course every day. No, he is not shining a brand new car.

My husband has a problem. Oh, he doesn't actually know he has a problem. In fact, the problem is that he thinks the problem is nothing but a non-problem. The men who are reading this are now totally confused. The women who are reading this are thinking, "ok, I'm with you, please carry on."

I should have seen the problem as the serious problem that it was in our first months of marriage. But no, I was blinded my newlywed-hood. I was in complete denial. But it started then. I began to notice that my new husband stayed up every night til almost midnight watching sports highlights and re-runs of M*A*S*H. I remember commenting rather casually, "I had no idea you liked sports so much... and haven't you already seen these M*A*S*H episodes?" The questions were mostly ignored and the marriage carried on.

It is now almost 12 years later. I should have nipped it in the bud way back when. Now I realize it is too late. It's not just sports highlights and re-runs anymore. If only it was that simple. Now it is sports, x-box, ipod touch, facebook, hockey pool, tribal wars (a game on the internet), and texting. The men who are reading this are still wondering what I am referring to. The women who are reading this are already 3 steps ahead of me yelling, "AMEN SISTER! I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I'M WITH YOU!!"

Let me clarify. My husband has a condition called techo-distractia (I made that up). He is completely and utterly consumed with all things techno in our house. First thing in the morning it is the computer, then the sports highlights on tv, then a game or two on his ipod touch, then a text message to the guys he is working with, then out the door. Oh, goodbye honey. Nice to see you. Not sure if you noticed the 3 of us family members sitting at the table. Not sure if you heard the child screaming, the dog begging to go outside, the milk spilling or the wife (that is me) running around trying to do all things all at once.

Then he comes home at the end of the day. The kids have no clue he is home because he goes straight to the computer. I call for supper and the kids ask, "Aren't we going to wait for Daddy to get home before we eat?" I tell them that he's been home for an hour. They have no clue where he is.

After supper it's straight to the tv for the news and WHILE the news is going on, he is also playing a game on his ipod touch. I'm doing dishes, helping the kids with homework and trying to talk to him. No respose.

It's not that he's a jerk. He's actually the nicest guy in the world. He's not ignoring me. He simply has NO CLUE that there are people around him living lives. Heck, he doesn't know he is on planet earth for that matter. He is just a man consumed with the technology at his fingertips. Our home is a techno paradise! And he is feasting on it's bounty.

Bed time comes and he's on the computer. I whine about that so he eventually saunters to the bed. I put my book down hoping to chat a bit. I start talking but alas, I am faced with utter silence (which I have now termed "techno-silence"). Is he mad at me for asking him to come to bed? Is he praying, sleeping? No, he is on his ipod.

Many of you women out there can fully relate. It's like he's home, but not home. It's like you're together and yet you are totally alone. It's like you are annoyed and he has no foggy clue! A friend of mine who shall remain nameless told me a story. Her husband had just arrived home from a week long trip away. She got the kids in bed and couldn't wait to sit with him and hear all about his week. But she would spend that evening alone as he spent hours talking to other people on SKYPE. She kept waiting. He had no clue she was waiting. She figured that soon he would turn it off and talk to the real, live person sitting right beside him. Alas, she finally gave up. As she walked to the bedroom she said, "I'm going to bed." Not in the friendly, happy go lucky way. No. In the "I'm a pissed off wife and you better notice that" kind of way. He stopped what he was doing, looked at her and replied, "Oh really? Ok. Goodnight honey!"

Another friend of mine and I were discussing this issue in front of our husbands the other day. We were both commenting that if the men would come to bed, it might actually be worth it for them, if you know what I mean. Her husbands response was this: "Why would I come to bed? She know where the computer is... if she wants it she should just come and get me."

Is the techno-neglected wife inside of you steaming right now?

By the way, my husband is fully aware of this problem. I have talked to him openly about his disease... you know, techno-distractia. He is trying to fight it and frankly, some days are better than others. I have come to the conclusion that this is a life-long disease. Maintinance and pain relief is what we're going for now that I know that a cure is no where to be found. The closest thing to a cure that I have found is the offers to "put out". Although it is only a temporary fix, the results are immediate. But let's face it, there is no way he's going to get lucky that often!

Ladies, I think we need to start a support group! We are not alone in this battle and it's time for us to unite!! Better yet, leave your comments and tell me your techno-neglected wife stories!