A Turtle Eulogy

Dear Mister Turtle,

Thank you for allowing me to find you on my walk along the river the other day. It was so nice for you to be there right where I could easily capture you and take you away from your natural habitat. I'm sorry that you almost dried out completely on the 30 minute walk back to the van. I really tried to learn about turtles and your preferred environment for the entire 2 minutes I looked it up on the internet. And I did my best to recreate your natural home life in the cramped plastic container that I stuck you in. Yes, I know, the salamander was a force to be reckoned with in there, but he was Ethan's pet, what can I do? Please believe me when I tell you that I made a valiant effort in giving you both land and water to dwell in. I even thought you might like the wilted lettuce leaf I left for you.

However, I have to admit that I was not surprised to see you clinging to life after I came home from work that day. I was not certain that the ramp I made - so you could get out of the water - was all that sturdy. I was not sure that you and the salamander would get along well, although I did keep that hope alive. And I began to second guess my choice of food for you... perhaps worms would have suited you better.

At any rate, please accept my deepest apologies for kidnapping you and subsequently killing you. I want you to know that when we flung you into the river after your passing we did it in love. Your death taught us a very important lesson, and we have since allowed the quickly deteriorating salamander to go free as well. If we see your family we'll be sure to let them know that you have gone on to a better place and that your death was a quick one (I think the truth would hurt them too much).

You were a cute turtle. I thought those little squeals coming out of your mouth were shouts of joy. oops. We'll think of you every time we look at that cramped plastic container.